Building Your Roster

Every team keeps a roster -- in essence, a list of their top-tier players. To stay on the roster, you have be the kind of player that they know they can pull off the bench and you perform -- no matter when they need you and no matter what they want you to do. How do you get on the roster? Come to practice, work your ass off and perform when you're played.

Yes, I'm a sports nut, but this is actually unrelated to sports. As a single girl, you need a roster of men. You need your guys that you can call upon in a pinch to perform - in whatever role you need them to perform in.

A roster with depth is vital to a single girl's survival in this cruel, cruel word of dating. You can't rely on a relationship with a guy to feed all the needs that you have, so you rely on your roster. This is (and should be ) a varied list that can consist of current lovers, former lovers, friends with benefits, guys you take to events because they're appropriate, guys you only flirt with via text and never get together with.

The amount of attention that you need to pay to keep your roster solid and deep (ahem!) can be overwhelming, but you need to make the effort, ladies. I made the terrible, terrible decision to ignore my roster for about 5 months while I dabbled in monogamy, and when that was through, my phone was quiet. HORRIBLY, SOUL-CRUSHINGLY QUIET. So pay attention and put a little effort into this and you will have a guy for what you need, when you need it.

As I said, it's a rebuilding season for Team Rita, but here's what I've got right now on my roster:

Current Lover: The guy who I call when I want to have sex, who is most available. He's not my boyfriend, but we enjoy each other and have sex fairly regularly. It's the best of all worlds if you actually like to talk to this person, but not completely necessary. Mine right now is Race Car (he's a driver). While he's not the brightest tool in the shed, he's sweet enough. I mean, he doesn't make me want to claw my eyes out when he speaks.

Potential Lover: This is the guy I met last weekend, henceforth to be known as The Experience, is off the charts in skill and size, so I'm trying to play this fairly cool. He has the potential to become my LeBron James, my team superstar. (Note to reader: If you haven't figured it out yet or been told, men don't like to be chased. In fact they love to be told no and ignored. Please write that down.) We've exchanged a couple of messages and have a plan in place to see each other again.

Former Lover: This guy, Heart Attack, was a formerly rostered player. He stayed on the roster in the past due to being extremely enthusiastic and very available (not surprisingly, he was also sort of chubby, which was very cute). He moved to Chicago about 8 months ago and still tries to see me when he is in town. Depending on the availability of the rest of my roster, I throw him a bone occasionally. But I also still enjoy sending dirty texts to and flirting with him.

Company Guy: I met this guy (no nickname yet) when I did on-boarding for my new job. He was one of the employee-instructors. He's 29, smart as hell, a former college baseball player, and really funny. Unfortunately he also lives in Philly. We had some mad chemistry when we met. He threatens to come visit me and spend the weekend in bed, but has yet to materialize. He's another one who's fun to flirt with though, and I'm sort of getting determined to get him here.

Some other recommendations for rostered players:

Current Ex: I know some single girls that are ok with occasionally fucking one or more of their ex boyfriends. They are able to just be friendly, and, on occasion, enjoy some fantastic familiar sex that has somehow also become Strange. I am not of this school of thought, though - I refuse to acknowledge the existence of exes as residents of earth. I'm pretty sure they just evaporated into the atmosphere.

Gym Guys: Stoney has a bit of a problem when it comes to trolling the gym - she'll tell you herself. (I have the same issue with bartenders, no judgment.) She's right that there is a veritable buffet of men that you can take home and then not give much thought to. They are the man equivalent of a chicken sandwich - it does the job, but you don't really have a strong memory of it, and one is pretty much like the next. I am on the fence about gym trolling however - there's the whole "don't shit where you eat factor" and I don't like to have to constantly avoid people where I work out, since I'm there a few days a week. But if you're able to compartmentalize that carry-on, then have at it.

Married Guy: Yes, lots of girls take this road as well. If you're not emotionally involved, married men are safe because they don't take up a ton of your time and they usually aren't needy or clingy.

Appropriate Guy Who You Really Don't Want to Fuck: This is likely someone that you met through friends who is really interested in you, but you just don't feel it for him for whatever reason. However, he responds to texts if you're up for some chatting and flirting, and is usually is good for a date when you're feeling like getting out. He's also great to take to functions where having a date is appropriate, because he'll go and act like a grown up and be nice just to get the chance for some making out in the car later on. He's usually ok with you not calling again for a month or so, but watch out - these guys tend to be very interested in relationships, so if you let a month go by, you could find him responding to your text with "Sorry, just moved in with my girlfriend."

The moral here (I use that term loosely) is to not be so quick to delete someone from your phone because the sex was bad or they said something stupid. Keep an open mind and remember that the hot guy you slept with isn't contacting you for 3 days because he's talking to enough other girls to not need your witty repartee that much. Build your team with some thought. And make sure those guys attend practice enough.