I consider myself on the dirty end of the spectrum when it comes to sex. I'm not a hearts and flowers girl in the bedroom, but I think that you know if you've been reading this blog. You don't need a powerpoint presentation of my preferences at this point, but I'm adventurous and naughty and dirty, and I don't really get turned on by sweetness in the bedroom - I want to be desired and taken and manhandled. In my adventures, I haven't really been pushed too much by guys in this respect, they're either not really dirty or maybe equally as dirty, but no one has really pushed the envelope. Until Dirty Luke. Dirty Luke has the distinct honor of being the dirtiest one-night stand of my life, which actually became a 2 year connection that neither of us can really seem to shake. I met Dirty Luke 2 years ago the night before Thanksgiving. And he has been Dirty Luke since the moment I met him.
The night before Thanksgiving is a pretty good night to go have a few drinks in the city where Stoney and I live. Everyone is blowing off some steam before the holiday and getting crazy in anticipation of having to spend the next 2-3 days with family. You know the drill. A couple of friends and I were out this particular night and ended up at a bar where we proceed to just get torn down. Across the bar from me was this tall, meaty, dark, broody guy, who I immediately locked eyes with and stared down for way too long. He looked away first, but was smiling when he looked away. A few more glances from me like that (yes, I'm about a subtle as a kick in the teeth) and suddenly he materialized at my elbow. He looked down at me (tall!) and asked why I was "eye fucking him from across the bar." That made me laugh. He talked to me for a while, and then leaned down and whispered in my ear, "We're going to get in a cab and go to your place now, right?" I didn't even think about it - I said yes immediately. And we seriously set our drinks down, said goodbye to our friends and walked out and got into a cab.
The minute that we got into the cab I jumped on top of him, kissed him, and literally tore open his shirt. Buttons flying and all. We basically attacked each other viciously during the 5 minute cab ride. When we got into my house, I took off my jacket and he tore off the wife beater I was wearing under it in one swift movement. He put me on my dining room table, yanked my pants off and slid inside me. We moved to the bedroom eventually, and while I was on top of him riding him, he grabbed my arms and growled, "Slap me across the face." Which I did, without 1 second of hesitation. He told me to get on my knees and came on my face. I seriously couldn't say no to anything that he asked. During the second round, he growled at me to say his name - which I couldn't because I'm pretty sure he hadn't told me at this point. I looked at him blankly, and he said "It's Luke. SAY IT." I mean Jesus! It was so intense and crazy, I couldn't stop. We fell asleep and he got up the next day and said, "Give me your number." Everything is an order with him. So I did and he left.
The next day, Thanksgiving Day, at my parent's house, I pull my sister aside and begin telling her the story. She is in tears laughing about not being able to say this guy's name because I didn't know it. As I’m relaying the story, my phone starts to ring. IT'S DIRTY LUKE. In what fucked up, crazy, parallel universe does the world's dirtiest one-nighter not only contact you less than 10 hours after leaving your house, but CALLS???? I just about flipped. He left me a message that he wanted to see me again over the weekend. Another order.
Dirty Luke came over a day later. I was in a complete and total sexual frenzy by the time he arrived, after anticipating it all day. Sex with him was intoxicating to me because I had never been with someone who was so unafraid to ask for or do what he wanted with no coyness or apologies. It was outstanding. After a marathon night of practically hurting each other, we started talking. And here's the kicker (because there is always a kicker) he works for a religious organization. Missionary work through sports. HE IS A BIBLE BEATER. And there I lay, playing over in my head my bellowing from only moments earlier: "jesus oh god fuck yes god jesus". The fact that taking the Lord's name in vain with a really religious person was my issue even after I had just let the man come on my face, gives you a little insight to exactly how completely and totally fucked my moral compass is.
So Dirty Luke and I go to breakfast and continue our conversation. I am really fascinated by this guy, he's interesting, smart, well-traveled, and very dryly funny (he tried to convince me with a completely straight face that redheads have no rights in China). Then he tells me the story of his last girlfriend that he was with (over a year) and how they had agreed to not have sex unless/until they got married. How he wanted to be sure that she possessed the qualities that he wanted in a partner (other than a vagina) and that she wasn't really into sex and was, in fact, scared by it. I looked at him, totally dumbfounded. Did he really think that his sexual appetites weren't going to scare the shit out of this poor girl on his honeymoon? Did he really think that he could separate his sexual self from his wife and never want the things that he did with me ever again? I started asking him all of these questions. It was clear that he doesn't get questioned a lot. He was uncomfortable but answered everything very honestly. He had the WORST Madonna/Whore complex that I've ever seen and he seemed constantly surprised that I was intelligent and funny and easy to talk to.
Dirty Luke lived in another state at the time, and started texting and calling regularly. We would get together when he was in my city on business. After another a dirty night together, he would disappear for a few weeks - likely wearing a hairshirt and flogging himself with a razor-blade covered whip as penance for enjoying himself with me. This went on for over a year - talking, fucking, then silence. Surprisingly, he could be soulful and sweet, which was really disarming coming from the big, intense guy. He told me more than once that he continually struggled with seeing me, that he wanted to be in my bed so badly but he tried to stay away. (WWJD?) What really bothered him about me, though, was that he wanted to be with me - lying on my couch talking, going to dinner at the place around the corner with the patio, and having me listen to him. I really think he wanted to just be able to see me as a giant walking vagina, but Reader, I make that difficult sometimes with my fabulousness. And I really think the fact that he actually liked me and enjoyed me as a person drove his religious self nuts. I was a Whore, for God's sake! I mean, he enjoyed himself and our dirtiness, but if I did, then in his book I MUST be a dirty, useless Whore. Because Good, Smart girls saved themselves for the person they were going to marry. They were not dirty.
After one silent period, Dirty Luke reached out to let me know that he was going to move to China for his job for 2 years. Stay tuned to find out if being in China cools his ardor. HINT: Ever dirty skyped???
- Rita
