Adventures in Texting. SXB: Fin

As Rita keeps reminding me, I haven't written about anything very substantial since November! Well folks, that's because there hasn't been anyone worth writing about in all honesty.  At the end of my last post regarding Sexy Back (SXB), I mentioned LunchMeat. Well, falling in line with all of the fucksticks that came before him, he turned out to be a complete flake.

LunchMeat and I went on 4 awesome dates shared a couple of great kisses (yup, that was it. This guy had real potential). We hit it off amazingly or so I thought.  Then the holidays came.  A busy time for everyone. Especially single men that aren't close to their families, right? One night after our 4th date he called me and we chatted for 15 minutes or so and then he had an "emergency call from work" and said he'd call me right back. We all know what happened next. Nothing. I never heard from him again. I can only assume that he was captured by wolves and is now being raised in some kind of pack system or that he was mauled by the last remaining cougar in the Midwest (and I don't mean Rita).

All the same, with my confidence at a record low, when SXB reached out and wanted to make amends for being the kind of douche that should literally wear a cape and tote a scepter, I regretfully agreed to meet him for dinner.  Long story short, as you might expect, it was horrible.  The food was good, but the company blew ass and the conversation was, to say the least, lacking.  Only after this 'date,' he actually contacted me again.  I ended up watching a movie with him a week later at his place. I'm an idiot. I'm well aware. I left after the movie much to his disappointment and didn't hear from him for about a week. And this has been our communication since.

10 days after being at his house.
SXB: Watching The Recruit. Wanna come over?
Stoney: No thanks. I'm packing.
SXB: No thanks? Where are you going?
Stoney: Um? No, but thank you for asking. Out of town for work.
SXB: Sweet. When you leaving?
Stoney: 6am tomorrow
SXB: When you back? I'm gonna miss you.
Stoney: Um? I haven't seen you in a week and a half...I don't think you'll miss me too much.
SXB: Well where have you been?
Stoney: I threw in the towel.
SXB: You give up to easy.
Stoney: I'm not chasing you.
SXB: Maybe a little chase?
Stoney: I'm not chasing. If I have to chase, you aren't interested.
SXB: A little...
Stoney: Exactly.  You're only a little interested.
SXB: No. Chase a little.
Stoney: I knew what you meant.

8 days later.
SXB: Hello...

10 days later
SXB: Hello...

6 days later
SXB: Hi. How are you?
SXB: Need to talk to you...if you will answer
Stoney: What's up?
SXB: Want to talk to you...
SXB: Want you to be my friend.
Stoney: No you don't
SXB: Yes I do...please let me. Trying to right a wrong.
Stoney: No
SXB: Okay I understand
SXB: But I really do...I'm sorry for my behavior.
Stoney: Thanks.
SXB: Welcome. So you won't be my friend?
Stoney: Why? No.
SXB: Why not? Don't understand...
Stoney: Because that's not actually what you want.  You want someone to come over every other week and give you head.  This is not a friendship.
SXB: I just said trying to make a wrong right...I really do.
Stoney: No.
SXB: Sorry you feel that way Stoney...maybe another time
Stoney: Probably not
SXB: Probably?
Stoney: No. No probably.
SXB: That's not nice...
Stoney: I've been too nice.
SXB: Now you're being mean...
Stoney: Fin
SXB: Fine...I assume.
Stoney: No. Fin. It's french for 'the end.'
SXB: Well thank you...I learned something today
Stoney: Welcome.

And that, my friends, is that.  If texting is the conversational equivalent of a hand job, then this 'relationship' went through a Costco-sized bottle of lotion trying to get the job done and still never got anything accomplished.

Fin
Stoney.